Depression: doctor visit..

So after my ordeal I went to the doctors the next day. I have the feeling like I am messed up and there is something wrong with me. My moods are up and down, my sleeping schedule is messed up, and I’m not feeling like myself. So I decided I’m done feeling sorry for myself, no more mood swings (well just not all the time, because I am a female), no more sleeping all the time and only sleeping during the day. I finally decided to take my life back into my own hands. Well when I get to my doctors and tell her everything that I  happening she gets very concerned thinking my father abuses me. Which is definitely not the case, my dad maybe stern and not really compassionate but he would never hit me or my brother or sister’s. My dad is a good father and only wants what is best for us, so yeah that means telling us stuff we don’t like to hear but, stuff we have to hear. Once that was pushed from the picture we got down to it, the depression. I told her everything, why I thought I was, what my symptoms are, and how i have tried to fix it. And trust me I have but it’s like a mosquito bite once you notice it, it’s there and you know until it goes away. It bothers you and makes its self known to you, maybe not others but you know. So we then talked about everything I have to do, I have to think of seven different fun things I like to do and do one everyday of every week. Also I was prescribed a medicine that, well my parents are not to fond of it. One of the side effects was that suicidal thoughts are more persistent in someone taking this medicine. Which I understand medicine for “major depression”, as my doctor called it, this side effect is common. It does scare me though that I could be in this state of mind, simply because I have so much going for me. I have a wonderful family and siblings that look up to me, awesome neighbors whom watch out for me and really care, and an amazing boyfriend that in my eye is on  of the best things to ever happen to me. There is so much I want to do in my life that I haven’t gotten the chance to do yet and insight want to miss out. I know I seem like a person that is happy about life but I do get my down moments just like everyone else, the only difference is when I get mine I hit the bottom hard. So now I’m trying to think of seven things to do, one for everyday and taking medicine that could potentially make me self-harm. So I’m very scared if i do get a low moment on this medicine, I’m truly afraid of the outcome. So I will keep you posted on not only the seven fun things that I some how have to come up with and how the meds are treating me. So until then stay classy. 🙂

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